I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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