I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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