I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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