i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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