Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
