i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
