apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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