I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
