She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
