i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
