I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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