Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
