god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
