Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
