there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
MIDGETS
????
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
