im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
