you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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