Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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