He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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