Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dicks are not precious.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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