Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
