Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
