he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
