Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
