if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
