In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
