Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
