There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
