He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
