Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
