hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
