so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
