Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
