I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There's even glitter on my cock...
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