He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
