yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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