You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
