Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
