So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
