i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
