Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
