Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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