you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
