At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i've created a new STD.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
