Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
