btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
