shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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