Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize