I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
