I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
