Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
