jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
