I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
