Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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