I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
