Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
